The Big D

Brandon surprised the girls and I with a quick getaway last week. It was the kickoff to our spring break and Dallas was the perfect choice. We ate lots of yummy food, toured a couple museums, and experienced some true Texas charm. It was delightful and I'm ready for our next surprise mini vacation!

Friday

About to pull out of our driveway and head to the Big D. Side note: Girls had never been to Texas, so this was a first for them.

We had some good friends traveling just a few miles in front of us. We decided to meet up for lunch. Smashburger, a first for the four Beaver's. Delish! 

Friday night was Medieval Times. This is something Brandon has always wanted to do. We tried to get a good family pic outside of the castle. This is about the best we got. And the girls were beyond done posing with us. :/ (Oh my eyes! I had a head cold and, well, my eyes say it all.)

I have a slight obsession with birds, particularly hawks. This falcon pretty much made my night. I wanted to hold him. :)

Girls were in horse heaven! 

We managed to get front row seats. Fun, fun! I love these silly dinner/shows!

Saturday

Our first activity of the day was the Ft. Worth Stockyards, but we had to stop for breakfast first. Little did we know we stumbled upon some of the most delicious food we had ever eaten!

When you walk in and this is the first thing you see, you know you've pick the right place. 

It's a good day when there's chips and salsa and orange juice at breakfast! The refried beans at this place pretty much rocked our worlds.

I mean, it's only natural to sit on a longhorn while in Texas, right? :)

Baylee

Caylee

Cattle drive

B and I knew just going to the stockyards alone meant we were cool parents to our animal loving children. But we were out for parents of the year this weekend. And in our girls' eyes, that means ride horses!

This picture makes me laugh. B on a horse just doesn't happen very often. And his horse, Worm, was little. But he was a natural and the leader of the pack. Must've been his boots he had on. ;)

Once I got over my "oh my gosh, am I too heavy to ride a horse" fear, I was put on Howie. Oh, Howie. All he wanted to do was eat every single bush we passed. And I'd let him. And then I'd get yelled at for letting him eat. Howie also like to stop walking. He would decide to just stand still in the middle of the trail. And when we was walking, it was sideways. Or backwards, down a hill, leading me to a river. He almost killed me. We went round and round!

Unfortuantely, this is the best picture we have of Caylee and Tinkerbell. Those two were awesome together. They were trotting, literally, down the trail. Cay had a great time and stayed at the front with B.

Baylee and Earl had a time like Howie and I did. Earl wasn't the most cooperative horse either. We had a good laugh all weekend because Bay wanted to tell us how to ride, but her horse didn't like to listen to her. 

This was my view the entire time. In the back, trying to encourage Howie to move. 

After the horses I told B I was done with the stockyards and to get me back to the city! Ha! So we went for a tour of the Sixth Floor Museum and learned the history of the assassination of JFK. We only had two hours, but could've spent all day in there. 

We didn't realize the impact this tour would have on Caylee. It kind of freaked her out to be where the shooter was and then to stand where Kennedy was shot. She kept saying "I keep seeing him laid over in her lap."

Standing on the X that marks where JFK was hit. 

What is a trip to Texas without some BBQ?! Those burnt ends were out of this world. Oh my. 

We wore them out on Saturday. And it doesn't matter how old they get, I still love to see my babies sleep. Well, I can see Bay. Cay sleeps with her head wrapped up.

Sunday

Because of travel time back home, we had just a few hours left in Dallas. Breakfast at Esperanza's again and then the Dallas Holocaust Museum was the prefect end to our weekend.

B's breakfast. I'm not sure what it is, but he loved it. There's those beans. Yum!

Little getaways are so fun. I wish we could do it every weekend. Thanks for the fun surprise, B! 

One year later

I can't believe one year has already snuck up on me. My friend Anne had introduced me to the book "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. She was going to live by it for six weeks and for some reason it really sparked my interest. I'll be honest, when I heard it was all about going vegan, as well as eliminating all oils and white foods, I thought she was crazy. But it kept nagging at me and I finally broke down and bought the book. I don't know if it was the hard truths Dr. Fuhrman presents in the book, or the fact that it was just time to get my weight under control, but last March Brandon and I took the plunge together and I am so glad we did!

We decided to start on a Monday so that weekend before we headed to a local hamburger/ice cream joint we had been wanting to try in Summerville. B referred to it as our "final greasy transgression". And you know what? It was a total letdown. I think that was a sign we were headed in the right direction. Had it tasted delicious, we'd crave it forever. ;) From there we went to Sam's and began to explain to the girls what we were doing. The insane amount of fruits and veggies we were buying would become breakfast, lunch, and dinner for B and me. They struggled with wrapping their brain around it, and I'll be honest. So did I!

Our first load of produce from Sam's. Oh, and our Ninja. Not sure how we survived all those years without it. Seriously.

Living in South Carolina was a completely different lifestyle. There was the beach, of course, but the weather stayed gorgeous year round. We were constantly outside. If it wasn't the beach, it was taking a walk along the Ashley River just minutes from our house. Or a leisurely stroll downtown. Or a bike ride through the neighborhood. For someone who says the sun hurts her eyes, I was outside more in that year than any other time in my life. And you know what? So were the rest of the cute and fit people. They were biking. Or kayaking. Or paddleboarding. Or running. I was constantly being bombarded with fit people and then I'd get home and see myself in the mirror (when I'd look in a mirror, that is). I finally said "enough is enough".

My before picture.

March 11, 2012

I look at that picture above and I see a Cari who is sacred to death. She's scared if she doesn't get her weight under control then she won't be around much longer. She's constantly scared of what people think of her. She's terrified of not being able to fit in booths or chairs or having seatbelts buckle. She's scared of being embarrassed and being an embarrassment. She's scared she will fail. Again.

But guess what? She didn't fail. I didn't fail! As of today I am down nearly 70 pounds! Oh it has been hard. So very hard. The six week trial run I gave of the Eat to Live program was the perfect starting point. And though I don't adhere to it on a daily basis anymore, I am a firm believer in what Dr. Fuhrman teaches. And honestly, most of my weight has come off when I follow his principles. If I didn't love cheese so much, I'd be a vegan in a heartbeat! ;)

"However, there are some SERIOUS cravings. I thought it would be sweets. You know, chocolate chip cookies, strawberry cobbler, runs to Dairy Queen for a Butterfinger blizzard… but it’s not. It’s CHEESE!!! I can only think of cheese. I want a grilled cheese. A cheese pizza from Mellow Mushroom. Cheese and crackers. Queso. Nachos. Cheese, cheese, CHEESE! It’s seriously very weird. I never would have thought this would be my craving. HA!" 

From a journal entry on March 16, 2012

While I knew food was a major factor in losing weight, I also knew I had to get moving. I know being this big for so long means I will have a lot of extra skin. From day one I began exercising and hoping it would help in the skin department. If nothing else, I knew my heart needed some conditioning. I was too embarrassed to join a gym (still am!), but I did have an elliptical in my garage. Guys, I could barely do five minutes without being out of breath and sweating like a maniac. Stronger was my theme. Thank you, Kelly Clarkson and Mandisa. I'd listen to those songs and somehow make it to the next day. I slowly added more songs until I was up to 30 minutes. That was nothing short of a miracle, y'all! 

I was so glad our garage had windows. I'd watch the neighbors come and go. I'm a nosey one. :)

I didn't tell a lot of people what I was doing. Again, I was afraid I'd fail, so I kept this new endeavor to myself for the most part. My parents knew, as well as three close friends. They were my sounding boards, my cheerleaders. I would call my mom and tell her what I was eating or how I'd workout on the lippy (my nickname for the elliptical) and she'd tell me how proud she was. I couldn't talk to my dad without him saying "You're doing great. Don't quit." And the numerous texts messages to my friends really kept me going. Slowly but surely I began to see results. Pounds starting coming off and clothes began to fit different. Boy was that motivation!

The first time I took a picture and noticed a change in my face. 

April 18, 2012

So where am I one year later? I wish I could say I have everything under control today. But I don't. Each day is a struggle. I am an emotional eater. I love to eat when happy, sad, anxious, and so on. And I love to show my love with food. Cooking and baking are my outlets, my love language. ;) It makes my happy to prepare a meal for people to enjoy. (And usually those meals are heavy laden in butter and, of course, cheese.) So I still struggle. Every day I have to make a conscious decision to chose to eat to live instead of live to eat. And a lot of those days I miss the mark completely. 

I still have 100 pounds to lose. And even at that weight I'd still be considered overweight on the charts. But I know what I think will be a healthy weight for my body. I still get extremely overwhelmed with the thought of having so much weight still left to lose. A lot of days I get down right MAD. And those are the days I fall off the wagon and eat like a maniac. But I have those dear people in my life who remind me how far I've come. I don't want to give up. I want to conquer this once and for all. I meet with a trainer twice a week and she kicks my booty each and every time. I love to look back at when we started and see how much stronger I am today than I was a few months ago. I know I am headed in the right direction. 

After going on a nature walk/run in Little Rock. My lifestyle is completely different than it once was. I actually get out and get moving!

March 8, 2013

We have all heard it a million times "You didn't put the weight on overnight and it won't come off overnight". As much as that quote infuriates me, it's also an encouragement. I know each day I choose to make the right choices with my food and with exercise puts me that much closer to my goals. I know there is something bigger to this than just me reaching a certain number on the scale and I can't wait to see what is in store for the coming year.

Winter Jam 2013

A few weeks ago I had taken Baylee to a doctor's appointment in Little Rock. On the way home we passed by Verizon Arena and she saw TobyMac on the sign advertising Winter Jam. She was immediately excited and ready to go, so I knew this affordable, family friendly concert, featuring several of the top Christian artists would be perfect for us. And, boy, was I right!

After a morning of downpour rain, we were prepared to freeze and get soaked. We ran home quickly after church, threw on some comfy, warm clothes and I grabbed the ponchos. We were back at the church by 1 to lad the bus and, luckily, by the time we ate lunch and drove to Verizon, the rain let up and we stayed dry!!

Winter Jam doesn't require tickets. It's $10 at the door and a first come, first serve basis. So you know what that means? Get there early and wait outside with the rest of the central Arkansas! ;) We stood outside, packed like sardines, close to two hours and cheered when they opened the doors 20 minutes early. :)

I was amazed to see how quickly the place filled up! This was our view and I loved it!

Other than TobyMac, the girls were excited to see Jamie Grace. She was fabulous!!! 

We loved something from all of the performers. Red, a hard rock Christian band, was there and I'll be honest. It was a little bit out of my comfort zone. But that didn't stop me bobbing my head and keeping up with the beat. Bay leaned over during their performance and said "I wonder if God likes this kind music?". So right there, in the middle of a crazy loud arena, we had a little life lesson. I told her as long as their music was Biblically sound, I'm sure God didn't have a problem with it. I explained that this group could reach people that artists like Matthew West and NewSong couldn't reach, and vice versa. I hope she'll remember that in years to come and not be quick to judge when things aren't exactly what she's used to. Although, Bay has a bit of a rocker in it. I'm thinking maybe the life lesson could've been just as much for me as it was for her. :)

After intermission and a heart touching performance from Matthew West (side note: His song "Forgiveness" is based on a mother's choice to forgive the drunk driver who killed her daughter and guess what? She was there! Made the song even more real and meaningful), it was time for the headliner, the reason we were there....TobyMac!!

The first thing the girls did when we entered the arena was get a souvenir shirt. Love that neon! 

Brandon gave the girls his old phone, and although it doesn't make calls, it can take pictures & video. Happy girls, right here. :) In fact, at one point Cay said, "I am so happy right now! I'm shaking!". Haha!

If you look in between their heads in this next picture and zoom in, you'll see TobyMac. Love this pic!!

We had such a fun time and I'm glad we all got to experience our first Winter Jam together. I know one of these days the girls will probably want B and I to stay home. But until then, we have these memories to hold onto.

Scatterbrain

I'm not sure what my deal is. I have several half-written posts, but they seem like a bunch of mumble-jumble. They're too wordy and boring so let's go for short and to the point highlights instead, shall we?

* It hit me the other day that the girls are almost in junior high and that means YOUTH GROUP at church. What?! That seems so old. And they seem so not old. I'm really having a hard time wrapping my head around this. 

* Speaking of junior high, Baylee had a mini breakdown about 7th grade last week. We drove by the school they'll go to next year and she was on the verge of panic. It's big. Really big. And she is already overwhelmed. In fact, she was ready to move back to South Carolina and go to school at our church's private academy. You know, with a class size of like 20 for an entire grade! Bless her overwhelmed heart. 

* Caylee is still taking guitar lessons. She's doing quite well, but was struggling in the practice department. Brandon came up with an awesome solution to encourage her to practice. So far it's working like a charm!

* The girls are obsessed with the show Finding Bigfoot. Obsessed. For Christmas Brandon ordered them two FB shirts. He paid for two day shipping and it's been a nightmare. First off, they sent a Honey Boo Boo shirt. Umm, no thank you. Then it was late. Then they sent the same shirt twice. It's been one thing after the other. We were supposed to get two grey shirts and two black shirts. As of yesterday we have two Honey Boo Boo shirts, eight grey shirts, one black shirt, and a credit to reorder the other black shirt because they are tired of messing with us. It's been ridiculous. But the girls love their shirts! They were them all. the. time. 

* We are all still adjusting to Annie, our goldendoodle puppy we got at Christmas. She's a little love. Here's the quick backstory how we got her... I was reading a blog one day in November and I saw this sweet baby. She lived in Russia, had down syndrome, and needed to be adopted. My heart went out to her and I just assumed B's would too. Wrong. I actually tried to have a serious "can we talk about something" talk and he wasn't having any part of it. In his words, "I'm not going to fund terrorism" and the discussion was closed. And I was mad. (And now Russia won't allow us to adopt anyway, so I guess it was for the best.) Then a couple weeks later we were leaving Petsmart and man was walking in with his golden doodle, my dream dog. We got in the car and I looked at B and said "Will you get me a goldendoodle for Christmas?". By the end of the day he had set up and appointment to go look at puppies the next day. So, I didn't get a Russian baby, but I did get a puppy. 

* I am about 30 pounds away from a HUGE weight loss milestone. I can't wait to hit it and share with you all my journey so far. I remember starting this almost a year ago and losing 10 pounds seemed unattainable. And now I am so close from my first major goal. Baby steps every day...

* Washing machines should never be taken for granted. I've been without mine for 11 days and counting and I'm about to pull my hair out. The water that won't drain is nasty and STINKS. Laundromats are expensive, but friends are sweet. Thankful for those who've opened their washers to us! 

* Jehovah-Nissi, God our Banner, never ceases to amaze me. The way He goes before us in everything astounds me. We've had a glimpse this week of some things and it's reminded me that He is always in control... even when I want to be. Ha! ;)

* Brandon bought some Valentine's peanut M&Ms the other day. He had them on his nightstand and the girls saw them before we left for school the other day. I took them to school and when I came home I noticed the M&Ms were missing. Initially I thought the girls had been silly and hid them. And then I saw the bag peaking out from under my bed. The culprit? Molly. She ate almost an entire bag of peanut M&Ms and had absolutely no remorse. I hope she enjoyed her entire day in her crate for that little escapade!

Alright, that's all I have for now. I have bounced from here to there. Welcome to my brain. Ha! 

Looking back, moving forward

Our Christmas cards this year turned into a Christmas package. It was kind of ridiculous. Bran and I found some pretty cards after Thanksgiving and I thought I'd simply sign them and send them on their way. But then I started thinking about our past year. It needed to be documented. So I decided to write a letter. The wordy person that I can be tried to relive our year month by month. And then I realized going that way would result in a Christmas novel instead of a letter, so I scratched the idea. I still wanted to personalize our card so I ordered a family picture to stuff inside. Done. Not what I wanted, but it would work. But then as I laid my head down late one night I couldn't sleep and it hit me. I had asked each family member their top 10 moments of 2012 (up until December) and somehow managed to piece together a short and sweet letter incorporating our top 10's. I had some fun Christmas paper I bought years ago so I printed a few and waited until the next morning to show Brandon. And then I remembered the pictures I ordered. And all I could do was laugh. Our simple card turned into this crazy package. It was probably Beaver overload, but it had been a few years since we had sent anything out. I guess I was overcompensating. ;)

With the new year here and Brandon and the girls back at work and school, I can't help but think about our past year and those top 10 moments. 2012 was packed full of memories and will forever go down as one of my most memorable years. We had so many new adventures in South Carolina to discover, as well as moving to Arkansas (again!). Brandon and I both turned 30. The girls experienced their first true friendship. Life was one wild, unexpected ride in 2012. I am so very grateful for every moment -- yes, even the hard, I have no clue why things are happening this way moments.

Without further ado, here are our Top 10 Moments of 2012...

Baylee

1. Hannah

2. Finding Bigfoot

3. Shark fishing

4. Mrs. Billy's animals

5. Date night with Daddy

6. Beach trips

7. Tex

8. Meeting Mrs. Dykema

9. Pirate's Voyage

10. Petting Niko

Caylee

1. Hannah

2. Mrs. Billy's animals

3. Getting Beau

4. Finding Bigfoot

5. Shark fishing

6. Mrs. Dykema

7. Summer at Grammy & Grandpa's

8. South Carolina Aquarium

9. Going horseback riding on Rosco

10. Petting Niko

Brandon

1. Beach trips

2. Ghost tour

3. Charleston fine dining

4. Shark fishing

5. Thriller 

6. New house

7. PGA Championship

8. France trip

9. Cathedral of Praise

10. Summer date nights

Cari

1. The beach 

2. 30th birthday weekend

3. Cabot graduation weekend

4. Shark fishing

5. Charleston fine dining

6. Getting healthier/losing weight

7. New house

8. Summer date nights

9. Falls Creek

10. Friendship between Baylee, Caylee, and Hannah

I have to be honest. Looking back at these lists, as well as all the other wonderful memories that didn't make the top 10, I can get overwhelmed & find myself sinking into the pits. I still struggle with the "why did we move to SC only to move right back". But over and over I hear the words of a very wise woman (that's you, Terri Kern!).

"Looking back has value; but I'm convinced pressing on has more."

So as this new year begins I will press on. In the words of our church in Charleston, it's my prayer to "have clarity that allows me to hear God's voice above all else; maintain focus on goals set before me; not get overwhelmed about what lies ahead, but instead rest in God's peace; and walk in God's will with absolute purpose".

Brandon and I have set a few goals for this year. While we were talking about our "resolutions" Bran kept reminding me that goals had to be "measurable and attainable", so I did my best to stick within those guidelines. I won't speak for him, but for 2013, here are my goals.

1. Be more content. As B reminded me, "Don't let your mood be based on circumstance."
2. Continue to focus on my health and lose 80 pounds.
3. Run at least three miles of the Arthur Ravenel Jr bridge in Charleston in July.
4. No phone policy from 6-8pm Monday-Thursday.
5. More one on one time with the girls.

Bring it on, 2013. Let's see what you have in store for us this year. We're ready!

Ten years

Pslam 131

My heart is not proud, Lord,

my eyes are not haughty;

I do not concern myself with great matters

or things too wonderful for me.

But I have calmed and quieted myself,

I am like a weaned child with its mother;

like a weaned child I am content.

Israel, put your hope in the LORD

both now and forevermore.

Ten years ago Psalm 131 was my sister’s daily devotional. She never read it, as she was heavily sedated and nearing the end of her nine month battle with an aggressive form of cancer. After she passed late that night I opened her devotion book for comfort and found that day’s reading so very fitting.

Brenna wasn’t concerned with things too great or wonderful for her. And on December 18, 2002 she calmed and quieted her soul and was content in the presence of Jesus. She had put all her hope in Him.

It’s been 10 years. An entire decade since my sister was here with us. How is that even possible? One third of my life has now been lived without her. Unreal. I’m always hesitant to document Brenna’s passing each year. I don’t want to come across as morbid or stuck in the past. But I desperately don’t want her to be forgotten. I don’t want people to forget her unique sense of humor. Her generosity. Her independence. Her smile.

Everyday without her is hard. I long to talk to her. Even yesterday I read a Christmas card for a sister and thought how perfect it would be for her. And then I remember she’s gone. Yes, it’s still gut wrenching, but then I’m reminded she’s not in pain anymore. No more chemotherapy. No more raditation. No more seizures. And the most comfort of all comes from scripture, for it promises to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord.

I can hear Brenna’s beautiful alto voice now singing praises to her King. I see Velia Kincade and Maguerite Kern in that choir. My Papa Burl and Grandma Arnold are there as well, though they are probably at the river fishing. There is also a young man named Dakota Hawkins there, whom Brenna never met, and I can only wonder if he and Brenna got to witness the beautiful meeting of their mother’s this past Sunday.

And so on this day, when it’s easy to get overwhelmed in grief, I will rejoice in Brenna’s life and rest assured she’s in a much better place. When I find myself sad during this Christmas season, I will remember it’s because of God’s gift, His son Jesus, that Brenna is eternally whole. Praise His name!