Exhale and Inhale

I didn't intend to go a year without blogging. There were many "blog-worthy" events that happened this year, most of which were documented through social media and shared with family and friends. So while this blog has been neglected this year, it hasn't been forgotten. I'm not quite sure what made me go back to this post a couple of weeks ago, but I did. I sat on my couch and cried as I read it. And it's been in my head ever since. This is one of those posts that I remember nearly every detail about writing. I was sitting on my bed, having just watched the ball drop on tv. And in those moments I had the same feeling I have right now... a sense of newness and freshness. An exhale of the old, ready to breathe in the new.

At the time I couldn't see all that 2014 would bring, but I was ready to press on no matter what. I sat in anticipation of what God was going to do personally in my life, and in the life of our family. It was only fitting my "theme" for the year was press on, because goodness did I need that reminder. This year was hard. An outsider looking in would probably see something different. They'd see the Instagram worthy pictures of the fun and easy moments of 2014. But what people can't see through the lens of social media, is what God is doing in the heart of a person.

Here are a few highlights from 2014, with a little more back story behind the "highlight reel" Instagram pictures.

1. In February we opened our home to two amazing, God-honoring women who travel the country with LifeAction Ministries. I treasure those three weeks. And I thank God for Lindsay and Kendra.

As much fun as we had, God challenged me deeply and rocked me to the core. I saw how I can be a "cactus", hard and prickly, to people I love most. I saw how when I'm "squeezed" it's not always pretty what comes out. I had to come face to face with a lie I had covered up for years and ask for forgiveness. LifeAction was life-changing.

2. Bay and Cay became teenagers in April. How can that be?!

We aren't even a full year into their teenage years, but it's already been a ride. B and I are blessed with amazing girls. They love deeply and fight fiercely for what they believe. We have had to relinquish a little control on some areas and let them learn to make decisions for themselves. Because of their maturing age, we have had some hard conversations this year. There have been several family pow-wows in the living room full of tears, voices raised, and opinions made known. It hasn't always been pretty. They make mistakes. B and I make mistakes. I can recall two moments this year where we sat in two different Mexican restaurants and tears flowed because, you know what? Life is hard. God doesn't call us to comfort. That's hard to walk through as an adult, let alone trying to learn as a teenager. 

3. This year has also been full of digging into the Word and seeing just exactly who I am and who I was created to be.

I'm so thankful for Stuck and Restless, two studies by Jennie Allen, that forced me to get real with myself. It wasn't easy. It wasn't always fun. I still don't have everything figured out. But I'm closer. And I'm pressing on. 

4. Perhaps the most memorable thing of 2014, though, is something that can't be seen or captured in a picture. No, it's the times spent in prayer desperately seeking God. It's in feeling both the sting and healing balm words brought to our hearts during moments of transparency. It's church services that convicted, challenged, and confirmed what God is doing in our lives. It's in laying aside what's easy and picking up what we are called to do, no matter the cost.

And so now here we are, the last day of 2014. I've spent a lot of time reflecting this morning. I'm so thankful for this year. Hard? Yes! A million times yes. But I'm confident it will be worth it. In so many areas of life right now I'm ready to exhale the old and inhale the new. 

"Forget about what's happened;

don't keep going over old history.

Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new.

It's bursting out! Don't you see it?

There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, 

rivers in the badlands."

Isaiah 43:18-19 MSG

Press On

With time running out in 2013, I find myself, like most people, reflecting. While eating dinner tonight I asked Brandon and the girls about the year. There were highlights like Hannah visiting, being baptized, reading through the Bible, running a 5K, and a few more. We talked about the Catching Fire obsession and decided that was a really fun week. The girls, of course, talked about "their" horses in Oklahoma, and oh how they adore Warden, Tinkerbell, and Preacher. All in all I'd say 2013 was a nice, low-key, normal year full of the ebbs and flows of everyday life. Nothing life-altering or earth-shattering. Just normal. And normal is good. 

But. 

I can't get this quote out of my head. It's been running on repeat for days. And I'm convinced I have so much to learn from it this coming year. 

"Looking back has value; but I'm convinced pressing on has more." ~Terri Kern

I'll be honest. I've been looking back. A lot. Not just at this past year, but the past few years. And I'm not just talking about looking back at our past addresses, like some people might think. I'm looking at myself as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I'm looking at how B and I have been serving, each other and those around us. I'm looking at Baylee and Caylee and how they've grown up overnight it seems and are no longer those wild haired toddlers, running the three acres of Arnold Acres. I can so easily get stuck in the comforts of the past. Why? Because that's easy. 

But.

I feel there is more. I know there is more. There has to be more. 

I'm not sure what 2014 has in store for us. I could sit here and write out some detailed resolutions, but let's be honest, I did that this time last year and I failed. Miserably. I didn't lose 80lbs. I didn't stick to the no cell phone rule consistently. And more times than not I still let my mood be based on circumstances, a sure sign of a lack of being content. And you know what? I could easily look back and beat myself up about it. But what good would that do? 

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to look back. I'm going to see the value in this past year. I'm going to see it for what it was, the good and the bad. But I'm not going to get stuck there. I'm going to turn my head forward and press on. 

I'm going to press on in my walk with the Lord. 

I'm going to press on in my marriage.

I'm going to press on as a mother, in this year my daughters become teenagers.

I'm going to press on in my relationships. 

I'm going to press on in my battle with my weight and health.

I'm going to press on in how I use my gifts and abilities to serve my local church.

I'm going to press on and continue to find my place in this great big world. 

Happy New Year, friends. Press On.