Pslam 131
My heart is not
proud, Lord,
my eyes are not
haughty;
I do not concern
myself with great matters
or things too
wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and
quieted myself,
I am like a weaned
child with its mother;
like a weaned child I
am content.
Israel, put your hope
in the LORD
both now and
forevermore.
Ten years ago Psalm 131 was my sister’s daily devotional.
She never read it, as she was heavily sedated and nearing the end of her nine
month battle with an aggressive form of cancer. After she passed late that
night I opened her devotion book for comfort and found that day’s reading so
very fitting.
Brenna wasn’t concerned with things too great or wonderful
for her. And on December 18, 2002 she calmed and quieted her soul and was
content in the presence of Jesus. She had put all her hope in Him.
It’s been 10 years. An entire decade since my sister was
here with us. How is that even possible? One third of my life has now been
lived without her. Unreal. I’m always hesitant to document Brenna’s passing
each year. I don’t want to come across as morbid or stuck in the past. But I
desperately don’t want her to be forgotten. I don’t want people to forget her
unique sense of humor. Her generosity. Her independence. Her smile.
Everyday without her is hard. I long to talk to her. Even
yesterday I read a Christmas card for a sister and thought how perfect it would
be for her. And then I remember she’s gone. Yes, it’s still gut wrenching, but
then I’m reminded she’s not in pain anymore. No more chemotherapy. No more
raditation. No more seizures. And the most comfort of all comes from scripture,
for it promises to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord.
I can hear Brenna’s beautiful alto voice now singing praises
to her King. I see Velia Kincade and Maguerite Kern in that choir. My Papa Burl
and Grandma Arnold are there as well, though they are probably at the river
fishing. There is also a young man named Dakota Hawkins there, whom Brenna never met, and I can only
wonder if he and Brenna got to witness the beautiful meeting of their mother’s this
past Sunday.
And so on this day, when it’s easy to get overwhelmed in
grief, I will rejoice in Brenna’s life and rest assured she’s in a much better
place. When I find myself sad during this Christmas season, I will remember it’s
because of God’s gift, His son Jesus, that Brenna is eternally whole. Praise
His name!
