Pressing On

I remember when we first moved to Arkansas. I went through a rather long period to what we called "the pits". I was down. I was sad. I was lonely. I probably could've benefited from some medication. ;) I never knew being uprooted from Oklahoma and placed four hours away from all I had ever known would be so hard. So very HARD. But it was. Over time we found a wonderful church, friendships were made, and I learned to live again. I persevered.

When Brandon and I began discussing our move to South Carolina there was this peace about me. I did NOT want to leave Arkansas and I did NOT want to be even further away from family, but even that couldn't stop the peace I felt about a potential move. Besides knowing that the Lowcountry was where God was calling us, I looked back at those two years in the pits (I told you it was a long period!). I saw a very quiet, introverted Cari. I saw myself withdraw from social situations. I saw Brandon be the voice when we would meet new people while I stood quietly at his side and shyly smiled.

So while we considered a move I knew it would be hard to move again. I looked back and recognized all the good the came from being in the pits. Was it fun? No. Was it easy on our family? Absolutely not. Was it selfish? Possibly. But I overcame it and beautiful things emerged. Slowly I came out of my shell and a new Cari was blossoming. There was a lot of the old Cari, mixed with the new, more cautious Cari. God used Community Bible Study to heal wounds I had been hanging onto for years. I learned to forgive myself. God used a neighbor six houses down from us to be that friend I always dreamt of. God used that time to strengthen our bond as a family of four.

I knew moving again would mean the pits could quite possibly sneak back up on me. I knew there would be long periods of time of loneliness and isolation. I knew finding a church home would require patience and trust in His leading. I knew friendships would not be made overnight. Because He had led us to Arkansas and I saw His faithfulness, I knew He would be with us in South Carolina. Peace. He gives wonderful peace.

So here we are. Next week marks six months since we've been here. And I'll be honest. This week has been HARD. It kind of just hit me. I find myself sitting and longing for Cabot. I call my mom or dad and get off the phone and cry because I miss them so. I get upset because I knew there would be this down time, but I assumed since I had walked through it before I could handle it better.

I've been so thankful for Facebook. I know it can be distracting and dangerous if you're not careful. But it is such a wonderful way to stay connected. And even though some status updates can often be silly, some can be highly encouraging.

Take for instance my dear, other mother, Terri. She talked about having spent her day going through a file cabinet filled with all kinds of things from the past. She read report cards, wedding and birth announcements, newspaper clippings. And then towards the end of her status she said something that hit me like a ton of bricks and I. Lost. It.

"Looking back has value; but I am convinced pressing on has more."

That was just what I needed. I realized I have spent too much time this week focusing on what once was. I was focused on the past and not the present. I was treasuring so many sweet memories made in Oklahoma and Arkansas that I was forgetting to make new ones here. I know that Satan loves to use distraction and discouragement to blind me of the beauty before me. I have a wonderful husband. He works so very hard to provide for us and that gives me the ability to stay home. I have two beautiful girls who are happy and healthy. We get to experience and live in another gorgeous part of the country. I will not let Satan's lies put me in the pits again. God has amazing things ahead of us here. I have to be patient and trust in His timing for all things. He is faithful. So very faithful.

And so I press on.