This year I was a little slower in choosing a word/phrase. I was kind of avoiding the whole process until I got a text from one of my sweet college girls who wanted to share her word with me. She was on top of things and seeing her enthusiasm challenged me to narrow in on my theme for 2015.
Honestly, I already knew what it was going to be. It's something I've been dealing with for a long time, but for the most part ignoring and laughing off. And the fact that I was struggling to commit to it was proof in itself that this is exactly the road I need to travel this year.
You see, to know me is to know one of my famous catchphrases... "That makes me nervous." I say it to be silly and I say it when I am so very serious. But in every situation, it's a scapegoat. It's my comfort. And it's my excuse to not do whatever is staring me in the face and causing those anxious feelings.
And I'm so over it.
At the beginning of the school year I chose verses to pray over each of my girls. For Baylee I chose Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men...". I desire for her to seek approval in God and not in things of this world. I don't want her to get weighed down in comparing herself to others that she loses sight of who she is in Him. I pray in all she does she gives it her best effort, not to please me or B, or teachers, or friends, but to please Him because that's what He's called her to do.
For Caylee's verse I chose Proverbs 3:26, "...for the Lord will be your confidence...". As a twin it can be easy to step back and let your sibling take over. I've seen that in Caylee. I desire for her to find her own voice, to hold her head high, to make eye contact. I pray she finds a Godly confidence in who she is and walks boldly in who she was created to be. Though a twin, she is uniquely gifted and I pray she sees value in that.
When I chose those verses for their eighth grade year, I had no idea at the time it would be a precursor for my 2015 theme. As I wrestled with narrowing down what it was going to be, I kept coming back to Proverbs 3:26. "...for the Lord will be your confidence...". When I was wide awake and my mind racing at three in the morning, I knew exactly what my theme would be.
Be brave. Find confidence in Him to be who He created me to be.
There are so many areas I need to be brave this year...
*I think of a road we are about to travel as a family and it will take being brave to walk it. It will require us to be confident in the calling He has placed on us, no matter the cost.
*I think of my struggle with my weight and it will take being brave to conquer it. Instead of trying to find confidence in a number on a scale or a certain clothing size, I must first find my confidence in Him. When I do that, I think I will have success.
*I think of the gifts and talents He has given me and how for so long they have gone unused. I might dabble in them here and there, but I have to be brave and use them! I can't let them go to waste.
*I think of relationships and the intentionality it takes to develop true, meaningful community. It's not easy to put yourself out there, at least it's not for me. I have to be brave and walk confidently that He will lead me to lasting friendships that will challenge and encourage.
*I think of financial goals and the bravery it will take to say no to certain things to reach where we want to be, but also saying yes to how He asks us to use our money, His money.
*I think of dreams and how I am just now beginning to dream for myself. What does that even mean? I'm still trying to figure that out and it's sure going to take being brave to do so!
*I also think of all the unknowns. Yes, we all can have a plan for our lives. But I've seen over and over how those plans can change in an instant. Who knows what my life will look like in just a few months, or next year? I can't predict the future. But I can begin to prepare for whatever lies ahead. And so I choose to be brave.
Putting this all in written words is in itself terrifying to me. I've tried to write this post for days now, but just now finding the confidence to do so. Because if it's just in my head, I can talk myself out of it. But now that it's out there for anyone to see and challenge me on, that takes commitment. Even now I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to say "Oh this makes me so nervous." But I recently read something Jennie Allen said, "If you ever want to do anything of significance, you have to learn to love the sick tense feeling in your belly instead of hate it."
So here I am. This is me for this year. I choose to be brave. I choose to not be overwhelmed by fear that I miss out on what God has in store for me. I choose to walk in His confidence knowing He has called me His and has placed me here for such a time as this. Will I fail? Oh, of course! Will I give up? No way.
Last spring I fell in love with a song by Bethel Music. It's called "You Make Me Brave". I played it on repeat and belted those words. And then one day in the car I was singing it and I looked at Brandon and said, "How can I even sing those words if I don't mean them? How can I say He makes me brave if I'm scared all of the time?" Y'all, that was months ago! Are you beginning to see my struggle here? Because the struggle is real. But I can be brave because He makes me brave. I can't find that confidence in my own strength, only His. He is our banner, He goes before us, so what is there to be afraid of?!
I don't know what is giving you that sick feeling in your gut today, but I pray you find strength and confidence in Him to face it. Be brave, my friends.
"Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong."
1 Corinthians 16:13
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