Real Talk

When I decided on the phrase "Be Brave" for my 2015 theme, I never could have imagined the outpouring of support I would receive. I have been gifted (anonymously) a beautiful shirt that says "Brave", I have been sent scriptures to encourage me to lean on Him for strength, Facebook messages, and even face to face reminders that He made me brave. It's been amazing!! I'm so thankful for the support.

What I've realized, though, is for me to be brave, it also means I have to be real. So it's about to get all kinds of real on this blog. Are you ready? I'm not sure I am, but I'm going to do it anyway! Here we go...

I am, by nature, a very visual person. Tell me a story? I'll picture it in detail. Need to teach me something? Better let me watch (or let me do it with my own hands!). Sitting in school (back in the day) or at church? Give me a pen so I can doodle and write and see what I'm hearing. Want to remember something? Take a picture if possible!

Like I said, I'm visual. So to say I had a major wake up call last week is an under statement. I am well aware of my size, well aware. Booths, seat belts, and clothes are a constant reminder. But when I went into a David's Bridal last week and there were mirrors everywhere, I about went nuts. I mean, I avoid mirrors at all cost. But guys, you can't argue with something that is screaming reality in your face and those mirrors were screaming!

I have been battling my size (I'm purposely not saying weight. There is so much more to this than a number on a scale.) my entire life. I've done WeightWatchers, did low/no fat, counted calories, went vegan, worked out hardcore, did a 24Day Advocare challenge, and I still struggle. Y'all, I think everything I have tried has potential to be effective. I mean, you can't argue the success stories. But for some reason I can't get anything to stick for ME. Three years ago I lost a lot of weight (going vegan), but once I started giving in to the little treats here and there, I all but gave up and the visual person in me can no longer deny the changes. I see it in my face, in the way my clothes fit (or don't!), and I really saw it in those mirrors a few days ago.

So what am I to do? I'll be honest, I've considered a weight-loss surgery of some sort. But I know myself too well and know my love for food. Did you catch that last part? My love for food. Y'all, I'm addicted to it, I'm convinced. I love to eat it. I love to cook it. I love to serve it. There is no surgery or set of pills that will fix that.

In addition to my food issues, I also have polycystic ovarian syndrome. This hormonal disorder makes losing weight very difficult and gaining weight very easy. It causes my body to be insulin resistant and over time, with my PCOS and family history, the chances of becoming diabetic increases greatly. It's something I'm going to have to battle for the rest of my life. And I think I came up with a game plan.

Beginning next week I am going to reset my body. I will be going Whole30 in hopes those 30 days will make me more aware of my addiction and help regulate my body's hormones. I will say goodbye to grains, dairy, and sugar and instead focus on whole, real foods. It will not be easy. And I'm going to guess it won't be fun (for the first few days especially!), but I'l be honest. I'm kind of getting excited. I've been doing a lot of research and I see a light. I have new recipes ready to whip up and that makes me smile (remember how I love to cook?! I can still do that!). I'm not naive and expect this to be a quick fix. But I do see it as a much needed step towards acknowledging my relationship with food and hopefully over time positive changes will be a result.

So here's to taking another brave step. I plan on blogging my way through these hard, potentially life changing 30 days. I truly believe accountability will be key. Call me out on it, people! Or if you're feeling crazy, join me on this journey.

But before I take the leap, I have a day in the kitchen preparing for B's birthday dinner tonight. And let's just say it's not Whole30 approved. Just keeping it real. ;)