Fourteen years later...

This time 14 years ago I was beginning my fifth day in Hillcrest hospital. Preeclampsia was sitting in & I was under constant monitoring. I was enjoying several spicy chicken sandwiches a day thanks to the Wendy's close to the hospital & had a steady stream of friends & family coming to see me. It was an emotional roller coaster for my 18 year old self. 

On the morning of April 20, 2001 I woke up like I had the past few mornings... ready for another day of waiting. Brandon had actually gone home for the first time the night before to work a shift at Goldie's that day & I was anticipating being transported back to a local hospital in Pryor to wait out the remainder of my pregnancy. I had just taken a bite of my delicious bacon biscuit sandwich & a doctor came in & said "Don't take another bite. We are taking your babies today." And with those words my world was forever changed. 

I called B & the next thing I knew he was at the hospital...in like 30 minutes, when it should've taken him over an hour to get to the hospital. Ha! My parents were there. Cyndi David stopped by & showed me pictures of Austin & Becky. Randy Wilson & Keith Burden, two of my pastors, came & prayed over me & my babies. Terri & Terry, my other mothers, were there to support & encourage me & their dearest friend, my mom. So many people came & walked this road with us. And as I try to recall that day I am, once again, overwhelmed with tears. 

I have never seen the body of Christ displayed so beautifully. I was an unmarried, 18 year old girl & was given grace upon grace. I didn't realize it then. In fact, I walked in guilt & felt unworthy of it for years. But now, 14 years later, I see the beauty of it all. I see The Church coming together to rally behind one of their own. No condemnation, just love. 

When the time came to be wheeled to the operating room I can still see my Dad's face. I can't imagine what was going through his head as he watched his baby head off to become a mother, but his words comforted me all the way down the hall, into the cold operating room, & even to today. "It'll be okay, baby", he said with the most encouraging and reassuring smile. I struggled at that moment to not lose it, but I somehow made it. And his words are still true. No matter what life has thrown or will throw at us, we will be okay. 

As they began to administer the spinal block I remember crying out to God. I surrendered my babies over to him as the needle entered my back. I didn't feel the pain because I felt His presence. Brandon came in the room with me & I'll never forget his reaction when I asked him if they had started. He gave me the most wide eyed look & matter of factly said "Yes". Apparently he got to see my blood all over the floor & the doctors getting busy with the delivery. I had no clue. I was content behind that curtain. Ha! 

And then, at 2:27pm, Baylee Kaye Beaver was born. She was a perfect 5 pounds, 9 ounces & 17&3/4 inches long. Once minute later, at 2:28pm, Caylee Lynn Beaver made her entrance into this great big world, weighing 4 pounds, 9 ounces & 18&1/2 inches long. And just like that, we were parents to two beautiful, perfectly healthy, God given gifts. 

Just like on the day 14 years ago, I feel that same uneasiness today. I don't have a clue what I'm doing. Parenting is hard. Some days I feel like "Whew! I did that right!". And then other days I go to bed in tears, beating myself up thinking I've ruined them for life. There isn't a parenting guide out there that can tell us how to best raise Baylee & Caylee. So I rely on mothers instinct & for God to guide us during these teen years & beyond. 

It's our prayer as they continue to grow & mature that they would even more so grow & mature in their walk with Christ. That they would always know how wide and long and high and deep the love of Christ is. That they would walk in a manner worthy of the calling He has placed on their lives. That even though they are twins, they are uniquely designed & there is no one in this world like them. They were both individually fearfully & wonderfully made & have a purpose only they can fulfill. 

Happy 14th birthday, Baylee & Caylee. My heart bursts with joy over you. I'm so thankful & very proud to be your mom.