But I'm a 0.0

In my quest to continue to lose weight, I've realized it's not going to happen unless I stay active. In addition to the time I spend with my trainer, I also decided to join a local women's running club. Women from all over Arkansas participate in a 10 week clinic and the graduation is a 5K in May.

There's only one problem. Umm, y'all. I'm not a runner. Not at all. 

A few months ago Brandon, the girls, and I were walking through the parking lot of a popular shopping center. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the most perfect bumper sticker I had ever seen. If there was ever anything to describe me, this was it. I whipped out my camera, much to the girls' embarrassment, and captured it in all it's honesty.

Come on! How perfect is that? Instead of those 13.1 or 26.2 bumper stickers that real runners display (and proudly so, I might add), this person was straight to the point. When Nelleke (my friend/trainer) tells me to go run, I remind her "but I'm a 0.0". Then she just laughs and sends me on my way. She's not much for excuses. :/

So. Being the 0.0 that I am, I'm not quite sure why I decided to join this running club. Maybe because it's free. Or the camaraderie. Or maybe just the challenge of it prompted me to go. Well, all of that, and my friend Melissa who sweetly took me to the kick-off and continues to insist I can do this. I was placed in the intermediate runner group simply because I can run one minute without stopping. Ugh. I totally should've lied on that questionnaire. I'm kidding. Kind of. ;)

We just finished week three and it's going good. I've had some crazy calf pain and realized my foam roller is my best friend. I keep waiting on that "runner's high" to happen, but so far I still hate running. Everyone says it'll come. We'll see. 

As much as I hate running, there was a breakthrough moment last week. Our workout for the evening was uphill repeats. We did our warmup and headed for a hill in a nearby neighborhood. Our leaders showed us the proper form for running uphill and instructed us to pick up speed and "chop down that hill" with our arms. And to run that hill six times. Did y'all hear that? Run a hill SIX times. (Granted, it's not like it was this mammoth hill, but still. It was a hill. And I'm a 0.0, remember?)

I kept to myself that evening. There was no time to be chatty when there was a mountain, I mean, hill, to climb. I knocked the first one out of the park. One down, five to go. On my second trip up, one of the leaders came along side of me. She encouraged me each step of the way and before I knew it I was 1/3 of the way finished. We started back up the hill and, again, my leader Cindy was by my side. 

And then the breakthrough.

At the top of that hill, halfway through my workout, I lost it. I started crying. I looked at Cindy and said, though tears, "if you would've told me one year ago when I weighed ***pounds that I'd be running hills I'd laugh in your face". She patted my back as we walked down the hill so I could catch my composure and said, "I'm so proud of you. And you know who did the work? You did. And you're doing awesome". 

Somehow her encouragement got me through the rest of the workout, but I was a wreck on the inside. I couldn't get back to Vanna White (my van) fast enough. ("Fast" is a funny thing to say because I was the very last person to get back to our starting point. The hills kicked my booty and that cool down hurt!) Once in Vanna I lost it again. I think it was a culmination of being proud of myself, plus the pain of running, plus the realization of how much work I still have left to do. I was crying and shaking and pretty much emotionally and physically wiped out for the rest of the night. 

I knew that night was a night I'll always remember so I wanted to document it with a picture. Brandon wasn't home yet, which meant I had to take a self portrait (always awkward). 

Oh, you like the poncho? Yeah, this breakthrough night happened to be in the middle of rain, sleet, and snow. This 0.0 has officially lost her mind!

The Big D

Brandon surprised the girls and I with a quick getaway last week. It was the kickoff to our spring break and Dallas was the perfect choice. We ate lots of yummy food, toured a couple museums, and experienced some true Texas charm. It was delightful and I'm ready for our next surprise mini vacation!

Friday

About to pull out of our driveway and head to the Big D. Side note: Girls had never been to Texas, so this was a first for them.

We had some good friends traveling just a few miles in front of us. We decided to meet up for lunch. Smashburger, a first for the four Beaver's. Delish! 

Friday night was Medieval Times. This is something Brandon has always wanted to do. We tried to get a good family pic outside of the castle. This is about the best we got. And the girls were beyond done posing with us. :/ (Oh my eyes! I had a head cold and, well, my eyes say it all.)

I have a slight obsession with birds, particularly hawks. This falcon pretty much made my night. I wanted to hold him. :)

Girls were in horse heaven! 

We managed to get front row seats. Fun, fun! I love these silly dinner/shows!

Saturday

Our first activity of the day was the Ft. Worth Stockyards, but we had to stop for breakfast first. Little did we know we stumbled upon some of the most delicious food we had ever eaten!

When you walk in and this is the first thing you see, you know you've pick the right place. 

It's a good day when there's chips and salsa and orange juice at breakfast! The refried beans at this place pretty much rocked our worlds.

I mean, it's only natural to sit on a longhorn while in Texas, right? :)

Baylee

Caylee

Cattle drive

B and I knew just going to the stockyards alone meant we were cool parents to our animal loving children. But we were out for parents of the year this weekend. And in our girls' eyes, that means ride horses!

This picture makes me laugh. B on a horse just doesn't happen very often. And his horse, Worm, was little. But he was a natural and the leader of the pack. Must've been his boots he had on. ;)

Once I got over my "oh my gosh, am I too heavy to ride a horse" fear, I was put on Howie. Oh, Howie. All he wanted to do was eat every single bush we passed. And I'd let him. And then I'd get yelled at for letting him eat. Howie also like to stop walking. He would decide to just stand still in the middle of the trail. And when we was walking, it was sideways. Or backwards, down a hill, leading me to a river. He almost killed me. We went round and round!

Unfortuantely, this is the best picture we have of Caylee and Tinkerbell. Those two were awesome together. They were trotting, literally, down the trail. Cay had a great time and stayed at the front with B.

Baylee and Earl had a time like Howie and I did. Earl wasn't the most cooperative horse either. We had a good laugh all weekend because Bay wanted to tell us how to ride, but her horse didn't like to listen to her. 

This was my view the entire time. In the back, trying to encourage Howie to move. 

After the horses I told B I was done with the stockyards and to get me back to the city! Ha! So we went for a tour of the Sixth Floor Museum and learned the history of the assassination of JFK. We only had two hours, but could've spent all day in there. 

We didn't realize the impact this tour would have on Caylee. It kind of freaked her out to be where the shooter was and then to stand where Kennedy was shot. She kept saying "I keep seeing him laid over in her lap."

Standing on the X that marks where JFK was hit. 

What is a trip to Texas without some BBQ?! Those burnt ends were out of this world. Oh my. 

We wore them out on Saturday. And it doesn't matter how old they get, I still love to see my babies sleep. Well, I can see Bay. Cay sleeps with her head wrapped up.

Sunday

Because of travel time back home, we had just a few hours left in Dallas. Breakfast at Esperanza's again and then the Dallas Holocaust Museum was the prefect end to our weekend.

B's breakfast. I'm not sure what it is, but he loved it. There's those beans. Yum!

Little getaways are so fun. I wish we could do it every weekend. Thanks for the fun surprise, B! 

One year later

I can't believe one year has already snuck up on me. My friend Anne had introduced me to the book "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. She was going to live by it for six weeks and for some reason it really sparked my interest. I'll be honest, when I heard it was all about going vegan, as well as eliminating all oils and white foods, I thought she was crazy. But it kept nagging at me and I finally broke down and bought the book. I don't know if it was the hard truths Dr. Fuhrman presents in the book, or the fact that it was just time to get my weight under control, but last March Brandon and I took the plunge together and I am so glad we did!

We decided to start on a Monday so that weekend before we headed to a local hamburger/ice cream joint we had been wanting to try in Summerville. B referred to it as our "final greasy transgression". And you know what? It was a total letdown. I think that was a sign we were headed in the right direction. Had it tasted delicious, we'd crave it forever. ;) From there we went to Sam's and began to explain to the girls what we were doing. The insane amount of fruits and veggies we were buying would become breakfast, lunch, and dinner for B and me. They struggled with wrapping their brain around it, and I'll be honest. So did I!

Our first load of produce from Sam's. Oh, and our Ninja. Not sure how we survived all those years without it. Seriously.

Living in South Carolina was a completely different lifestyle. There was the beach, of course, but the weather stayed gorgeous year round. We were constantly outside. If it wasn't the beach, it was taking a walk along the Ashley River just minutes from our house. Or a leisurely stroll downtown. Or a bike ride through the neighborhood. For someone who says the sun hurts her eyes, I was outside more in that year than any other time in my life. And you know what? So were the rest of the cute and fit people. They were biking. Or kayaking. Or paddleboarding. Or running. I was constantly being bombarded with fit people and then I'd get home and see myself in the mirror (when I'd look in a mirror, that is). I finally said "enough is enough".

My before picture.

March 11, 2012

I look at that picture above and I see a Cari who is sacred to death. She's scared if she doesn't get her weight under control then she won't be around much longer. She's constantly scared of what people think of her. She's terrified of not being able to fit in booths or chairs or having seatbelts buckle. She's scared of being embarrassed and being an embarrassment. She's scared she will fail. Again.

But guess what? She didn't fail. I didn't fail! As of today I am down nearly 70 pounds! Oh it has been hard. So very hard. The six week trial run I gave of the Eat to Live program was the perfect starting point. And though I don't adhere to it on a daily basis anymore, I am a firm believer in what Dr. Fuhrman teaches. And honestly, most of my weight has come off when I follow his principles. If I didn't love cheese so much, I'd be a vegan in a heartbeat! ;)

"However, there are some SERIOUS cravings. I thought it would be sweets. You know, chocolate chip cookies, strawberry cobbler, runs to Dairy Queen for a Butterfinger blizzard… but it’s not. It’s CHEESE!!! I can only think of cheese. I want a grilled cheese. A cheese pizza from Mellow Mushroom. Cheese and crackers. Queso. Nachos. Cheese, cheese, CHEESE! It’s seriously very weird. I never would have thought this would be my craving. HA!" 

From a journal entry on March 16, 2012

While I knew food was a major factor in losing weight, I also knew I had to get moving. I know being this big for so long means I will have a lot of extra skin. From day one I began exercising and hoping it would help in the skin department. If nothing else, I knew my heart needed some conditioning. I was too embarrassed to join a gym (still am!), but I did have an elliptical in my garage. Guys, I could barely do five minutes without being out of breath and sweating like a maniac. Stronger was my theme. Thank you, Kelly Clarkson and Mandisa. I'd listen to those songs and somehow make it to the next day. I slowly added more songs until I was up to 30 minutes. That was nothing short of a miracle, y'all! 

I was so glad our garage had windows. I'd watch the neighbors come and go. I'm a nosey one. :)

I didn't tell a lot of people what I was doing. Again, I was afraid I'd fail, so I kept this new endeavor to myself for the most part. My parents knew, as well as three close friends. They were my sounding boards, my cheerleaders. I would call my mom and tell her what I was eating or how I'd workout on the lippy (my nickname for the elliptical) and she'd tell me how proud she was. I couldn't talk to my dad without him saying "You're doing great. Don't quit." And the numerous texts messages to my friends really kept me going. Slowly but surely I began to see results. Pounds starting coming off and clothes began to fit different. Boy was that motivation!

The first time I took a picture and noticed a change in my face. 

April 18, 2012

So where am I one year later? I wish I could say I have everything under control today. But I don't. Each day is a struggle. I am an emotional eater. I love to eat when happy, sad, anxious, and so on. And I love to show my love with food. Cooking and baking are my outlets, my love language. ;) It makes my happy to prepare a meal for people to enjoy. (And usually those meals are heavy laden in butter and, of course, cheese.) So I still struggle. Every day I have to make a conscious decision to chose to eat to live instead of live to eat. And a lot of those days I miss the mark completely. 

I still have 100 pounds to lose. And even at that weight I'd still be considered overweight on the charts. But I know what I think will be a healthy weight for my body. I still get extremely overwhelmed with the thought of having so much weight still left to lose. A lot of days I get down right MAD. And those are the days I fall off the wagon and eat like a maniac. But I have those dear people in my life who remind me how far I've come. I don't want to give up. I want to conquer this once and for all. I meet with a trainer twice a week and she kicks my booty each and every time. I love to look back at when we started and see how much stronger I am today than I was a few months ago. I know I am headed in the right direction. 

After going on a nature walk/run in Little Rock. My lifestyle is completely different than it once was. I actually get out and get moving!

March 8, 2013

We have all heard it a million times "You didn't put the weight on overnight and it won't come off overnight". As much as that quote infuriates me, it's also an encouragement. I know each day I choose to make the right choices with my food and with exercise puts me that much closer to my goals. I know there is something bigger to this than just me reaching a certain number on the scale and I can't wait to see what is in store for the coming year.

Winter Jam 2013

A few weeks ago I had taken Baylee to a doctor's appointment in Little Rock. On the way home we passed by Verizon Arena and she saw TobyMac on the sign advertising Winter Jam. She was immediately excited and ready to go, so I knew this affordable, family friendly concert, featuring several of the top Christian artists would be perfect for us. And, boy, was I right!

After a morning of downpour rain, we were prepared to freeze and get soaked. We ran home quickly after church, threw on some comfy, warm clothes and I grabbed the ponchos. We were back at the church by 1 to lad the bus and, luckily, by the time we ate lunch and drove to Verizon, the rain let up and we stayed dry!!

Winter Jam doesn't require tickets. It's $10 at the door and a first come, first serve basis. So you know what that means? Get there early and wait outside with the rest of the central Arkansas! ;) We stood outside, packed like sardines, close to two hours and cheered when they opened the doors 20 minutes early. :)

I was amazed to see how quickly the place filled up! This was our view and I loved it!

Other than TobyMac, the girls were excited to see Jamie Grace. She was fabulous!!! 

We loved something from all of the performers. Red, a hard rock Christian band, was there and I'll be honest. It was a little bit out of my comfort zone. But that didn't stop me bobbing my head and keeping up with the beat. Bay leaned over during their performance and said "I wonder if God likes this kind music?". So right there, in the middle of a crazy loud arena, we had a little life lesson. I told her as long as their music was Biblically sound, I'm sure God didn't have a problem with it. I explained that this group could reach people that artists like Matthew West and NewSong couldn't reach, and vice versa. I hope she'll remember that in years to come and not be quick to judge when things aren't exactly what she's used to. Although, Bay has a bit of a rocker in it. I'm thinking maybe the life lesson could've been just as much for me as it was for her. :)

After intermission and a heart touching performance from Matthew West (side note: His song "Forgiveness" is based on a mother's choice to forgive the drunk driver who killed her daughter and guess what? She was there! Made the song even more real and meaningful), it was time for the headliner, the reason we were there....TobyMac!!

The first thing the girls did when we entered the arena was get a souvenir shirt. Love that neon! 

Brandon gave the girls his old phone, and although it doesn't make calls, it can take pictures & video. Happy girls, right here. :) In fact, at one point Cay said, "I am so happy right now! I'm shaking!". Haha!

If you look in between their heads in this next picture and zoom in, you'll see TobyMac. Love this pic!!

We had such a fun time and I'm glad we all got to experience our first Winter Jam together. I know one of these days the girls will probably want B and I to stay home. But until then, we have these memories to hold onto.