W30:Day 11

The snow finally came & it was beautiful! After a day of gloomy rain & sleet, it was so refreshing to wake up to a blanket of snow. We've had several snow days this year, but they've really been sleet & ice days. This was the first day with a decent amount of snow accumulation. It was so peaceful. And exactly what I needed after the rough Day 10 I had.

It was a pretty sunny day, so that helped me mentally. Had it been another dreary day (& I love those days!!), I probably would've been focusing on wanting comfort food. I mean, isn't that what snow days bring?! But the sun was shining & I tried to stay focused on remaining positive. 

Everything was going great until late in the evening. We had finished dinner, chilled out while catching up on American Idol, & B & I were about to head to our room for the night. Bay went into the kitchen & grabbed a cookie. As I watched her walk by & take a bite, it hit me. In teenager language, I had the feels. The feels for that dang cookie & I wanted it. Or just a bite! I looked at B & with tears beginning to well up in my eyes, I told him how I felt. He reassured me I could have a bite in 19 days, but that didn't help. At that moment I was overwhelmed & sad & wondered if I'd ever be able to eat a cookie or anything I loved ever again. And so I cried. Real tears streaming down my face, cried. Y'all, it was intense. The craving hurt! And then as I was texting a friend, I remembered the timeline. Look what it says I'm going through. 

Ok, whew! At least I'm not alone & not going crazy. Y'all this is more of a mental game than anything! And gosh it can be exhausting! This addiction is going to be hard to break. Add to that the 100+lbs I need to lose & it's overwhelming. But meal by meal, day by day...that's all I can do.

On to the food! 

Breakfast

I'm going to have to switch this up soon before I begin to hate it. And I don't want to ever hate it because I LOVE IT!

Lunch

Salad with celery & carrot, leftover chicken & a hard boiled egg. The Tessemae's dressing is a LIFESAVER! I also had two clementines & a handful of almonds. 

Dinner

I made an enchilada bake with ground beef, spices, & cauliflower & it was pretty good. I definitely wanted some chips to go with it, but it wasn't bad. And the whole family ate it. Woot, woot!

How I am feeling...

Mentally: Overwhelmed

Physically: I feel great! The food I'm eating is satisfying, so I'm never starving in between meals. I'm sleeping great & have energy. 

Craving: I just want a dang cookie. 

Why did I buy these for the girls' snow day?! They're killing me, smalls!

But because I have such sweet friends and family, I know I'm not in this alone. The countless texts and Facebook messages and encouraging words have kept me going. Honestly. If I didn't have those words to go back and read, I'm not sure I'd still be going strong. As scary as it was (& still is!) to put this out there, I'm so thankful for the support. I have a mountain in front of me. And it's going to take a lot longer than 30 days to conquer it, but I'm hopeful. Even when I feel like grabbing those cookies and running to my room and hide and eat every last one, I'm still hopeful. Because so many of you see something in me that I've yet to see. 

I had a friend send this to me yesterday and it fits perfectly with my Be Brave theme for the year and this Whole 30 experience. And so while I may be struggling mentally right now, I choose to press on and be brave.