W30:Day5

Another day is complete! And I still didn't want to "kill all the things"! ;) I did notice I was extra sensitive & emotional today, but that's not out of the norm for me. 

Two main points: 

1. B made it back safely from Paris! Hallelujah! International trips make me crazy anxious. I'm constantly needing to turn everything over to God. I'm just glad he's home. I have to say, though, starting Whole30 with him gone probably helped me. I didn't have to worry about making separate meals for everyone (the girls had two nights of church activities that fed them dinner so I didn't have to worry about those nights) & I could let me body adjust without taking things out on him, had I wanted to "kill all the things". I've found a rhythm & now I need to learn how to incorporate it into a family setting. 

2. I survived my first dining out experience. I knew once we picked B up from the airport he'd be ready to eat. Our favorite place in the world is On The Border & sure enough, that's where we went. But I went in prepared. I ate my dinner BEFORE getting B & didn't have to worry about finding compliant food. (Because I looked online & there's only two options - guacamole or a dry salad. No thanks, I'll save my money & eat at home.) But there were chips & salsa & queso staring me in the face & I resisted. I didn't even touch a single chip! I got a little emotional as we pulled into the parking lot, just sad I couldn't partake. But I had to remind myself it was just food. I had already eaten, I was satisfied, & I could do this. And I did! I left proud. But I'll be honest, I really wanted those chips & salsa! And a bite of B's cheese enchilada. Sigh....

And that was it! I did it! On today 6! 

Sweet Boy made it home!! WooHoo!!!!!!

Breakfast

Another repeat. I just really love this breakfast. I know I'll get sick of it eventually. But for now it's working. 

Spinach and tomato frittata, compliant bacon, avocado, berries and banana. 

Lunch

This lunch was a flop. I needed to use some veggies and I had half of the sweet potato from last night leftover. I chopped up some compliant chicken sausage and sautéed it all together and something was off. It was a texture thing today. I ate enough of it, but it was a letdown. 

Dinner

Since I knew B would be eating out when he got home, I played it safe and ate dinner before we left. I didn't want to pull down anything out of freezer, so I just used eggs and compliant bacon as my protein and had breakfast for dinner. With carrots. Ha!

Scrambled eggs, avocado, compliant bacon, carrot sticks, and an apple.

And, finally, just to remember the temptation I faced tonight and conquered. But, man, it was hard. 

How I am feeling...

Mentally: Struggling. Very worried about this weekend. Very worried about how to incorporate this into our normal routine. I don't want to make my family sacrifice for me.
Physically: I feel really good. Really good.
Cravings: I smelled a maple long john (donut) while washing dishes today. I have no idea where that smell came from, but it was heavenly! And of course, On The Border -- chips, salsa, queso and Monterrey Chicken Fajitas.

(Post says Saturday, February 28, 2015. I posted after midnight. This was for Friday, 2-27-15.)

W30:Day4

Oh, Day 4, how I have been dreading this day. From the people I have talked to, to the timeline on the Whole30 website, Day 4 seemed to be brutal. In the words of the timeline, it's the day you want to "kill all the things". Sounds encouraging, huh? Yikes! So when Day 2 about did me in, I could only imagine what Day 4 held. I woke up, felt great! But the timeline said I would. I'd feel great, most likely no headache and overall feel good and hopeful. That is, until you see someone and then for no reason at all you just want to "kill all the things". Terrifying!!! So when I woke up feeling like the timeline said, I was preparing myself for doom as the girls woke up. Nope. Nothing. Just a normal morning. And I wasn't famished either when I woke up like I can be sometimes. I just went about our morning (the first day back to school in a week, so it had potential to be an ugly morning) & kept waiting for it to hit me. It never did. Did you hear that?! I was defying the timeline and was THRILLED! 

Since the girls were back in school I had some major work to do around the house. Snow days are lazy, restful days for everyone and only minimal housework gets taken care of. Today had a long to-do list to slap me back into reality. Surely that would make me want to kill all the things? Nope. I buzzed around the house all day. And get this. As I was talking to my mom on the phone this morning, I was playing hopscotch on my kitchen tile! Say WHAT?! Since when do I hop around? But I was. I was telling her about the girls' night last night and hopping from tile to tile. I think I would call that ENERGY! All. From. Food. (And the lack of harmful food I normally eat.) Incredible.

Y'all. I've dreaded this day probably more than day one. I mean, I can be a yeller. So when I was expected to want to "kill all the things" I didn't know what would happen to me. Instead, I felt energized and satisfied. I really don't know how to explain it. (I sure hope tomorrow doesn't come back to bite me, but B comes home tomorrow night, so the anticipation of his return will defeat all the things I want to kill. Ha!) 

I spent a little of this afternoon continuing to read the book and the more I read the more my eyes are opened. From the way I already feel less than a week into it, to hardcore facts I'm reading that down right scare me, to the awesome news that any damage I have done internally to my body is highly reversible, I see a glimmer of hope. And it's so refreshing. Oh I still have things I'm trying not to freak out about (like how do I do this forever? How do I survive the weekends? How do I incorporate this into a family affair?), but for now I am focusing on one day at a time. And Day 4 was a good day.

Breakfast

Complete redo of yesterday & probably the tastiest breakfast I have ever had.

Leftover spinach and tomato frittata, avocado, compliant bacon, berries

Lunch

Sweet potato and ground beef hash leftovers mixed with sautéed broccoli. 

YUM!!!

For dinner I threw a sweet potato in the oven, chopped up a medley of veggies I had, and pulled out the last of the chicken I had cooked earlier in the week. And it turned into a feast! I swear the food grew! Lol! Look at it!!

Dinner

Sauteed veggie medley, chicken, baked sweet potato

(I couldn't finish this dinner. Saved half of the potato for lunch tomorrow.)

How I am feeling...

Mentally: Great! I survived day 4! But in the back of my mind I am becoming consumed with the weekend and trying to figure out how to survive. And also really wondering if this is working/will work. (Despite how I feel, I'm still a visual person & I am anxious for results. Must be patient & focus on overall health.)

Physically: Great! I've been satisfied with my food. It has held me over from one meal to the next. I haven't been starving in-between and dying to cheat on a bad snack. 

Craving: Nothing just yet. So weird. I would've thought I'd be craving everything under the sun. I'm sure that day will come, but for now I'm content. 

W30:Day3

Today was another snow day and because the headache and nausea was gone, I had a little extra pep in my step. I branched out and made two new W30 compliant recipes and loved them both! Score! I also started digging into my book and oh my. I can already tell you why I've been struggling with this issue my entire life. And like the book says, it all starts with food. Wow. I'm blown away and barely made a dint in the book!

Cooking is therapeutic. I found out today that when I cook something and it's delicious AND life-giving, it's even extra rewarding! WooHoo!

The beginnings of a spinach and tomato frittata.

Oh my was this tasty. And I wasn't even sure I'd like the cooked spinach and tomatoes! 

Breakfast

Spinach and tomato frittata, avocado, compliant bacon, and berries

Afternoon reading

Snow day chilling - They're eating not so compliant W30 food and I'm reading my book. Ha! I've got some work to do in this family! 

Lunch

Mixed greens salad, boiled egg, grilled chicken, lemon juice and olive oil for dressing, carrots and not shown are some clementines and walnuts.

And then I went and got all chefy for dinner. Okay, maybe not. But I had no clue what I was doing and just based stuff off of what I'd seen online and came up with this concoction (and I'm, by nature, a recipe follower. So this was stepping out of the box!)

Dinner

Sweet potato and ground beef hash served over sautéed green beans. And not shown, an apple. 

(It tasted better than it looks. Ha!)

How I'm feeling...

Mentally: Very good! I think just not having a pounding headache today helped a lot. And trying two new things that I ended up really enjoyed was a plus, too. 

Physically: Very good! I noticed today I wasn't as groggy in the afternoon as I usually am. Could be because we've been pretty low key with the snow days, so I'll see how tomorrow goes. 

Craving: Nothing specific today. Again, I was satisfied with my food, that probably helped. Although those crunchy Cheetos are still staring me in the face!

W30:Day2

What a difference a day makes! Yesterday I felt okay physically. Sure there was some nagging emptiness going on, but nothing painful. Today? A completely different story! 

We had another snow day, and after staying up late to talk with B once he landed in Paris, I happily made sure my alarm was turned off. I was looking forward to sleeping in on a school day. (That never gets old no matter the age!) My body had a different idea though! I was awaken at promptly 6am to a pounding head. I remember thinking "Oh no, is it already happening and my body is mad at me?!". I was so thankful to have the ability to keep sleeping, hoping I could sleep it off. I tossed and turned and the pounding just wouldn't let me get comfortable. Finally I dozed back off, but when I woke back up at 8, it was just as intense. I hopped out of bed, went to the kitchen and grabbed some grapes and a banana. The plan was to get a little something on my stomach, take some ibuprofen, and make a real breakfast when I felt better.

Well, let's just say this wasn't the last time I saw these fruits. Nausea sat in not long after I ate them and they didn't stay in my system long. I don't know if I caught a little bug or what, but my body wasn't happy this morning. And the headache is still lingering. Luckily the nausea started to wear off by this evening. But man! Day two kicked my booty!

B called while I was still resting in bed with a cold washcloth on my head. He didn't know I was feeling yucky, so bless him, this is what he had to see when he FaceTimed me. I captured his face perfectly when I told him I had thrown up twice. Ha!! 

Around noon I thought I should try to eat some protein and heated up some chicken I had cooked yesterday. I also got my new book in the mail and considered it a happy mail day. Unfortunately the throbbing head kept me from digging into the book like I wanted, but maybe tomorrow!

I had little to no appetite today, but made sure I ate a little here and there. I thoroughly enjoyed this snack of clementines and walnuts! What is it about fresh, cold fruit that tastes so delicious when you feel yucky?! It hit the spot!

Dinner was super simple. No desire to cook anything new and the head was still pounding. So a quick salad with chicken and an apple and almond butter.

I will say this, as much as I hate this pounding head, nausea, and yucky stuff, it did help me not worry about food today. So that was a plus! I definitely didn't feel deprived of anything today because I was basically forcing myself to eat. Ha!

Now tomorrow? It's kind of worrying me. I hear I'll be hitting a wall soon, especially days 4-5. But day two is done! And I'm glad to see it leave. Don't know if any of what I dealt with was Whole30 related, but hopefully after a good night's rest, I'll be ready to conquer day three. 

How I'm feeling...

Mentally: Worried about tomorrow, but thankful I wasn't faced with many struggles today since I felt bleh.

Physically: Like a hammer hasn't stopped hitting my head since I woke up. Nausea was annoying, glad it seems to have left.

Craving: Nothing today. Except I did want ketchup with my chicken this afternoon. Of all things?! Haha! And I really wished my almond butter was peanut butter, but peanuts are a no-no on W30. 

W30:Day1

Well, friends, Day 1 of this Whole30 journey is officially in the books! It was kind of an unusual day for a few reasons...

1. Today is Brandon's 33rd birthday and I dropped him off at the airport at 8 o'clock this morning so he could fly to Paris, France for the week. Such a horrible way to spend a birthday week, huh? ;) 

2. We had another snow day today so the girls and I chilled at home. 

3. I'm learning how to navigate this cleaner way of eating.

So add all three of those things together and it was just an odd day. I had contact with B until this afternoon and since he left Atlanta I've just been stalking the FlightTrack app until he lands. Ha! Normal snow days consist of yummy comfort food. Last week we had cinnamon rolls one day and then homemade biscuits and gravy the next. Missing my boy and snow falling outside screams "Give me all the food in the world!". But there was none of that today! I stayed focused and as the day comes to the end I can say I am proud. 

I'll be honest, I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed. Part of me is focusing solely on these next 30 days. Can I stay committed? Will I see a change? But then my mind begins to wander...."Cari, it's going to take a lot longer than 30 days to reach your goals. How will you do this for the rest of your life?" I'm convinced this is more of a mind game than anything. I don't know how I will make a change for the rest of my life. My track record isn't very good. But I do know I have committed to these next 30 days. And I succeeded on the first day. I'll celebrate that and begin to focus on Day two. Day by day, that's all I can do. 

B should be landing in the next 30 minutes or so. I need him to be safe soon because I really want a snack! Not gonna ruin today's efforts though! But I really want some crunchy Cheetos! ;)

*****

This is my "Here we go!" before pic. I wanted to remember that moment. 

Breakfast

Two hard boiled eggs, 1/2 of an avocado, 1 slice of W30 compliant bacon, 

strawberries and blueberries

Lunch

Salad with lemon juice and olive oil, sautéed cherry tomatoes, 1 W30 compliant spicy chicken sausage link, sliced carrots, green grapes

Dinner

Half of a butterflied chicken breast, sautéed green beans with garlic, baked sweet potato with a smudge of ghee and cinnamon

How I'm feeling...

Mentally: A mixture of pride for succeeding today and extremely overwhelmed.

Physically: I feel good, have an empty feeling in my stomach after I eat. Maybe because my stomach is used to more? But good grief! Look at all the food I ate today! Sad to say I normally eat until I'm stuffed and hurting. 

Craving: A handful of crunchy cheetos or vanilla wafers. I guess I'm wanting a crunch tonight? 

(I plan on blogging each day with how I'm feeling and then pictures of what I ate for the day.)

W30:The Night Before

This is it. I've taken my last bites of food I think I need & love. The weekend was full of endulging & now I say goodbye grains, dairy, sugar & everything else that isn't Whole30 compliant. I have a jumble of emotions going on. It's a mixed bag of nerves and excitement and ohmygoshwhatamidoing and please let this be the last time I have to start over and I don't want to fail again and... and... and..... I know this isn't going to be easy.  But I'm hopeful it will be worth it.

I've had nothing but amazing support given to me. So many good conversations have been had & hopefully it's just the beginning. The icing on the cake was the cashier at Fresh Market this afternoon. She took the time to initiate a conversation & in doing so I was able to find out she had lost 120 pounds in  three years. Wow! It's so amazing to talk with someone who has walked in your shoes. So thank you, cashier lady. Thank you for  making me cry, giving me hope, but most of all for reminding me I can do this.

Alright! Let's get this Whole30 party started!

Real Talk

When I decided on the phrase "Be Brave" for my 2015 theme, I never could have imagined the outpouring of support I would receive. I have been gifted (anonymously) a beautiful shirt that says "Brave", I have been sent scriptures to encourage me to lean on Him for strength, Facebook messages, and even face to face reminders that He made me brave. It's been amazing!! I'm so thankful for the support.

What I've realized, though, is for me to be brave, it also means I have to be real. So it's about to get all kinds of real on this blog. Are you ready? I'm not sure I am, but I'm going to do it anyway! Here we go...

I am, by nature, a very visual person. Tell me a story? I'll picture it in detail. Need to teach me something? Better let me watch (or let me do it with my own hands!). Sitting in school (back in the day) or at church? Give me a pen so I can doodle and write and see what I'm hearing. Want to remember something? Take a picture if possible!

Like I said, I'm visual. So to say I had a major wake up call last week is an under statement. I am well aware of my size, well aware. Booths, seat belts, and clothes are a constant reminder. But when I went into a David's Bridal last week and there were mirrors everywhere, I about went nuts. I mean, I avoid mirrors at all cost. But guys, you can't argue with something that is screaming reality in your face and those mirrors were screaming!

I have been battling my size (I'm purposely not saying weight. There is so much more to this than a number on a scale.) my entire life. I've done WeightWatchers, did low/no fat, counted calories, went vegan, worked out hardcore, did a 24Day Advocare challenge, and I still struggle. Y'all, I think everything I have tried has potential to be effective. I mean, you can't argue the success stories. But for some reason I can't get anything to stick for ME. Three years ago I lost a lot of weight (going vegan), but once I started giving in to the little treats here and there, I all but gave up and the visual person in me can no longer deny the changes. I see it in my face, in the way my clothes fit (or don't!), and I really saw it in those mirrors a few days ago.

So what am I to do? I'll be honest, I've considered a weight-loss surgery of some sort. But I know myself too well and know my love for food. Did you catch that last part? My love for food. Y'all, I'm addicted to it, I'm convinced. I love to eat it. I love to cook it. I love to serve it. There is no surgery or set of pills that will fix that.

In addition to my food issues, I also have polycystic ovarian syndrome. This hormonal disorder makes losing weight very difficult and gaining weight very easy. It causes my body to be insulin resistant and over time, with my PCOS and family history, the chances of becoming diabetic increases greatly. It's something I'm going to have to battle for the rest of my life. And I think I came up with a game plan.

Beginning next week I am going to reset my body. I will be going Whole30 in hopes those 30 days will make me more aware of my addiction and help regulate my body's hormones. I will say goodbye to grains, dairy, and sugar and instead focus on whole, real foods. It will not be easy. And I'm going to guess it won't be fun (for the first few days especially!), but I'l be honest. I'm kind of getting excited. I've been doing a lot of research and I see a light. I have new recipes ready to whip up and that makes me smile (remember how I love to cook?! I can still do that!). I'm not naive and expect this to be a quick fix. But I do see it as a much needed step towards acknowledging my relationship with food and hopefully over time positive changes will be a result.

So here's to taking another brave step. I plan on blogging my way through these hard, potentially life changing 30 days. I truly believe accountability will be key. Call me out on it, people! Or if you're feeling crazy, join me on this journey.

But before I take the leap, I have a day in the kitchen preparing for B's birthday dinner tonight. And let's just say it's not Whole30 approved. Just keeping it real. ;)